i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
