i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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