What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize