Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We smell like vodka and hangover
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