She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just googled if crying burns calories
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
