listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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