I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
