i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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