you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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