i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
