So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
