Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
