loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she looked like the before picture.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
