What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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