Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
