Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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