i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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