the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
