OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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