First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
