Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize