My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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