Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
