turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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