Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
