My balls are so social today.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
