i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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