i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
