people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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