She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize