i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
