After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
