This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
