Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
