he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
