I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just fell off a train. Bad.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
