once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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