Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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