Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
