I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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