My liver just broke up with me...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
