Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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