I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
