I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Alive.
So much puke
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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