i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he fucked my hip out of place.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
