Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
