Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
