You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
