he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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