I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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