I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
