I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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