i permit you to call me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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