also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
