No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
