yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ladies don't puke and tell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
