i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Couch. On fire.
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