That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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