So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
