He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
