I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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