Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
