Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
