You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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