I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
