i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
