Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
