you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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