I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
