is your mom at the bar?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
