I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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